Ren realizes how ridiculous this runaround is, and he has to scoff at himself. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, gathering himself and shoving down his nerves until he can force himself to be straight with her like he wants to be. The atmosphere around him returns to normal, relatively, as he takes a slow breath.
"It's unlike me not to just say it," he remarks, attempting to add a bit of humor into the situation with a wry half-smirk. He's prided himself on being honest, at least when those around him give him the same courtesy, and Rey has been open with him for... a long time, he realizes.
"I care about you. Not like anyone else," are the words that are as close as he can get to his feelings. "And I'm not going to pretend otherwise."
Still, there's a hesitation that comes to his earnest look that implies there's a but coming.
Rey can feel that but coming, and it already stings before it's even left his mouth. It was bait after all, and as soon as he gets to the but the trap will spring, and she'll be left with pain and empty promises that turn out to be nothing more than things she told herself to make herself feel loved.
Ah well, if she's headed for a trap, she may as well make it worth the trouble.
Rey brings her other hand to meet the one he has gripping hers and gently pulls his hand to her own face, lightly holding his warm, leather-clad knuckles against her cheek. It's likely a gesture he'll find odd, but it's strangely comforting, especially when she knows it's also likely to be taken away soon, and Rey closes her eyes for a moment to savor it.
"I know," she replies, breaking her silence at last. But she isn't stopping there.
"You make me feel like I could be someone important. Someone special. I hope I do the same thing for you. You deserve as much."
Under normal circumstances, these would all be horrifically embarrassing things to admit, but now it feels like it could be her last chance, and she thinks she'll probably regret not saying them. Keeping her eyes closed helps, at least.
"And I meant what I said. About you knowing me. And—what I said about your voice, too. It matches your eyes."
Odd or not, he has no argument—whatever Rey needs to do for her to stay and listen, he has little issue with. If her grip allows it, he'll gladly uncurl his hand to rest properly against the side of her face.
A part of him wants to ask how a voice can match eyes, but he fears if he gets off topic now he'll never get around to admitting what he needs to. So instead he acknowledges it with a quiet thank you, not wanting her to think he's not listening, or rejecting any of what she's saying.
But he has to stop stalling by staring at her face eventually, and so he takes a steadying breath, the air stilling around them.
"There's someone else I care about too. Not the same," he clarifies, because nothing about the two of them is the same, really, and he couldn't possibly compare them. "But important. Like you."
Because she is important, and special, and all of those things, and Kylo needs her to know that. Even if the rest of the galaxy just considers her a scavenger, he knows she's more than that. She deserves to know it, too, instead of just believing it a few moments at a time.
"I don't want to hurt him. Or you." He refuses to let her to think of herself as somehow lesser, like her pain is preferable to someone else's. It was really just... a matter of timing, the difference in his feelings. As if to point out the sincerity of those feelings, several red-leafed velvety plants curl out of the ground under their feet, bright against the grass.
"I don't want to give up either of you."
He can only imagine what the other man's reaction might be, but he thinks out of the two of them... Rey is the one strong enough to take the truth up front. And he doesn't want to string her along with any mistaken assumptions just because he's a coward.
Rey's eyes open as soon as he moves his hand to hold his gloved palm to her face, a bit of surprise behind her expression. She was using him to comfort herself for the inevitable impending pain. She wasn't expecting him to actually participate. But now that he has, she can't help leaning ever so slightly into the warmth of his hand. It's stupid, particularly when she still thinks she knows what's coming, but if it's her last chance to feel this she may as well take advantage.
The first few things that Kylo says only confirm her fears, and she looks away, scrunching her nose to keep tears from forming in her eyes. She knows where this is going. He has someone else, someone he wants more, someone he wants differently, and he doesn't want her enough to jeopardize what he has with that someone else, despite his earlier confession. Why would he? She's nobody. She'll always be nobody.
Everything goes as she predicted... until the end. Rey looks up the instant those last words leave his mouth, her eyes wide and unsure. For a moment she isn't sure she heard him right. But no, he really did say either of you. The keyword there being you.
"You don't want to give me up," she says softly, hardly daring to believe what she's saying. Or let her down. Or run around and desert her.
The gold cloak in the box glitters brightly, almost sparking. And then it spreads to the table and down to the ground—little sharp flashes like a particularly bright light is catching unseen reflective bits in the wood or dirt.
"You still want me. And him. I thought—you aren't pushing me away."
Edited (waves hands at dialogue) 2018-03-08 14:04 (UTC)
"It's selfish," he admits, hesitant, but he traces his thumb along her cheekbone. "But if you want to stay... I refuse to abandon you."
Like her parents. Or anyone else who might have gotten her hopes up, only to abandon her. None of those people deserved her.
"I know what it feels like, to be left behind." Even if it's only from his point of view, his feelings are shaped by what he vies as truth. That feeling is a way they can relate, and it's not a feeling he would wish on her, not ever. "But I want to know you better. If it's not... too complicated."
She deserves to have someone's undivided attention and care. And while Kylo feels strongly for her... he doesn't know that he can provide that, and he won't blame her for not wanting to deal with it.
The little occasional sparkles gradually grow more frequent as Kylo talks, but they soften slightly into a nearly constant, gentle twinkling—though there are still a few particularly bright, almost ember-like sparks across the table when he brushes his thumb over her cheek.
But even without the planet's involvement, Rey's feelings would be clear enough from her face, her eyes wide and practically overflowing with surprised joy and her lips curling into a smile. She almost laughs at Kylo's suggestion that this could be too complicated, simply because it's never not been complicated between them.
"I think this is the least complicated it's ever been with us, really," she says with a soft chuckle. "I know it's the least complicated my feelings have been."
Rey leans forward to take his face between her hands, noting briefly how small they look on his long face when she can feel his hand so large and warm against her own cheek. Even with the unexpected information about Kylo's other partner, his confession about her brings sudden and relieving clarity to the confusing muddle of emotions that have been growing inside her for months. For the first time, she knows how she feels about him, and she knows how he feels about her, and everything seems so simple now. And ultimately, that's all that matters to Rey—when she and Kylo are together, the outside world almost doesn't exist, and when they're apart he fades into the background of her life. She can't blame him for operating the same way. The fact that he not only knows and shares her feelings, but also is willing to act on those feelings, overshadows anything else that's come to light here today.
"Kylo, I want to stay. I want you. I always will."
A small smile tugs at his lips, though it's still hesitant, like he can't quite believe that Rey is just accepting the situation so easily, or that somehow he'd find not one but two people who wanted him. It's almost too good to be true, and his eyes move from her face when she touches his, but he's certain to look back to her when he responds, even if it doesn't last long. (Mostly, he's trying not to cry like a child and embarrass himself further.)
"I feel the same."
He lets out a breath, the tension and anxiety finally leaving him as his shoulders slump, and he allows himself to believe in this, to trust her like he wants to.
Well. Now what?
"I hope you liked the cake," he mumbles almost bashfully.
Chronic avoidance of anything difficult, that's how Rey is accepting the situation so well. That hint of a smile draws her own gaze, and she finds herself watching his mouth as he speaks, briefly considering if she could lean over the table and kiss him again. But Kylo seems... shy? overwhelmed? enough as it is, even if he reiterates that he shares her feelings, and she doesn't want to push her luck too much. She doesn't actually know how this sort of thing is meant to work anyway, she realizes. Maybe she ought to let him make the next move, whatever that might be, just to be sure she's doing things right. There will be time later for whatever she might want to do.
Rey removes her hands from Kylo's face a little reluctantly, but she doesn't lean back or pull away.
"It's delicious," she replies sincerely, still smiling. The table and the ground around her continues to twinkle gently.
no subject
"It's unlike me not to just say it," he remarks, attempting to add a bit of humor into the situation with a wry half-smirk. He's prided himself on being honest, at least when those around him give him the same courtesy, and Rey has been open with him for... a long time, he realizes.
"I care about you. Not like anyone else," are the words that are as close as he can get to his feelings. "And I'm not going to pretend otherwise."
Still, there's a hesitation that comes to his earnest look that implies there's a but coming.
no subject
Ah well, if she's headed for a trap, she may as well make it worth the trouble.
Rey brings her other hand to meet the one he has gripping hers and gently pulls his hand to her own face, lightly holding his warm, leather-clad knuckles against her cheek. It's likely a gesture he'll find odd, but it's strangely comforting, especially when she knows it's also likely to be taken away soon, and Rey closes her eyes for a moment to savor it.
"I know," she replies, breaking her silence at last. But she isn't stopping there.
"You make me feel like I could be someone important. Someone special. I hope I do the same thing for you. You deserve as much."
Under normal circumstances, these would all be horrifically embarrassing things to admit, but now it feels like it could be her last chance, and she thinks she'll probably regret not saying them. Keeping her eyes closed helps, at least.
"And I meant what I said. About you knowing me. And—what I said about your voice, too. It matches your eyes."
no subject
A part of him wants to ask how a voice can match eyes, but he fears if he gets off topic now he'll never get around to admitting what he needs to. So instead he acknowledges it with a quiet thank you, not wanting her to think he's not listening, or rejecting any of what she's saying.
But he has to stop stalling by staring at her face eventually, and so he takes a steadying breath, the air stilling around them.
"There's someone else I care about too. Not the same," he clarifies, because nothing about the two of them is the same, really, and he couldn't possibly compare them. "But important. Like you."
Because she is important, and special, and all of those things, and Kylo needs her to know that. Even if the rest of the galaxy just considers her a scavenger, he knows she's more than that. She deserves to know it, too, instead of just believing it a few moments at a time.
"I don't want to hurt him. Or you." He refuses to let her to think of herself as somehow lesser, like her pain is preferable to someone else's. It was really just... a matter of timing, the difference in his feelings. As if to point out the sincerity of those feelings, several red-leafed velvety plants curl out of the ground under their feet, bright against the grass.
"I don't want to give up either of you."
He can only imagine what the other man's reaction might be, but he thinks out of the two of them... Rey is the one strong enough to take the truth up front. And he doesn't want to string her along with any mistaken assumptions just because he's a coward.
no subject
The first few things that Kylo says only confirm her fears, and she looks away, scrunching her nose to keep tears from forming in her eyes. She knows where this is going. He has someone else, someone he wants more, someone he wants differently, and he doesn't want her enough to jeopardize what he has with that someone else, despite his earlier confession. Why would he? She's nobody. She'll always be nobody.
Everything goes as she predicted... until the end. Rey looks up the instant those last words leave his mouth, her eyes wide and unsure. For a moment she isn't sure she heard him right. But no, he really did say either of you. The keyword there being you.
"You don't want to give me up," she says softly, hardly daring to believe what she's saying.
Or let her down. Or run around and desert her.The gold cloak in the box glitters brightly, almost sparking. And then it spreads to the table and down to the ground—little sharp flashes like a particularly bright light is catching unseen reflective bits in the wood or dirt.
"You still want me. And him. I thought—you aren't pushing me away."
no subject
Like her parents. Or anyone else who might have gotten her hopes up, only to abandon her. None of those people deserved her.
"I know what it feels like, to be left behind." Even if it's only from his point of view, his feelings are shaped by what he vies as truth. That feeling is a way they can relate, and it's not a feeling he would wish on her, not ever. "But I want to know you better. If it's not... too complicated."
She deserves to have someone's undivided attention and care. And while Kylo feels strongly for her... he doesn't know that he can provide that, and he won't blame her for not wanting to deal with it.
no subject
But even without the planet's involvement, Rey's feelings would be clear enough from her face, her eyes wide and practically overflowing with surprised joy and her lips curling into a smile. She almost laughs at Kylo's suggestion that this could be too complicated, simply because it's never not been complicated between them.
"I think this is the least complicated it's ever been with us, really," she says with a soft chuckle. "I know it's the least complicated my feelings have been."
Rey leans forward to take his face between her hands, noting briefly how small they look on his long face when she can feel his hand so large and warm against her own cheek. Even with the unexpected information about Kylo's other partner, his confession about her brings sudden and relieving clarity to the confusing muddle of emotions that have been growing inside her for months. For the first time, she knows how she feels about him, and she knows how he feels about her, and everything seems so simple now. And ultimately, that's all that matters to Rey—when she and Kylo are together, the outside world almost doesn't exist, and when they're apart he fades into the background of her life. She can't blame him for operating the same way. The fact that he not only knows and shares her feelings, but also is willing to act on those feelings, overshadows anything else that's come to light here today.
"Kylo, I want to stay. I want you. I always will."
no subject
"I feel the same."
He lets out a breath, the tension and anxiety finally leaving him as his shoulders slump, and he allows himself to believe in this, to trust her like he wants to.
Well. Now what?
"I hope you liked the cake," he mumbles almost bashfully.
no subject
Chronic avoidance of anything difficult, that's how Rey is accepting the situation so well.That hint of a smile draws her own gaze, and she finds herself watching his mouth as he speaks, briefly considering if she could lean over the table and kiss him again. But Kylo seems... shy? overwhelmed? enough as it is, even if he reiterates that he shares her feelings, and she doesn't want to push her luck too much. She doesn't actually know how this sort of thing is meant to work anyway, she realizes. Maybe she ought to let him make the next move, whatever that might be, just to be sure she's doing things right. There will be time later for whatever she might want to do.Rey removes her hands from Kylo's face a little reluctantly, but she doesn't lean back or pull away.
"It's delicious," she replies sincerely, still smiling. The table and the ground around her continues to twinkle gently.
"Thank you, Kylo. For everything."